Husband`s extra-marital affair ‘good for marriage’!

.’If your husband is enjoying a secret rendezvous with another women, don’t run after him with a knife, for the extra-marital affair is a sign that your marriage is a healthy one.

That’s the claim of France`s most prominent female psychologist Maryse Vaillant in controversial new book on the effects of infidelity on married life, Men, Love, Fidelity, reports The Telegraph.

Vaillant reckons that men who keep mistresses actually improve their marriage.

"[Most] don`t do it because they no longer love them, on the contrary," she said. "They simply need breathing space. For such men, who are in fact profoundly monogamous, infidelity is almost unavoidable".

Once women accept that the "pact of fidelity is not natural but cultural", and that infidelity is essential to the "psychic functioning" of certain men who are still very much in love, it can be a "very liberating" for women, she added.

In her book, Vaillant insists that fidelity is not, by definition proof of love.

"They are often men whose father was physically or morally absent ... during their childhood. These men have a completely idealised view of their father and the paternal function," she said. "They lack suppleness and are prisoners to an idealised image of a man of duty."

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Tips for Married Women – How to Romance Your Husband

Ladies, many of you probably think you’re the romantic in your marriage. Your husband, frankly, is clueless when it comes to romance. You have to practically beg him to say “I love you". You grab his hand when you walk together (and he keeps pulling it away). You can barely get him to remember your anniversary, and when he does remember and brings you a gift, more often than not it came from the head, not from the heart. After all, men think logically, women think emotionally. There’s no doubt that women rule when it comes to romance. Right?
You might be surprised to find out you’re wrong. In her book “How to Make Anyone Fall in Love With You", author Leil Lowndes reveals that women are better at romance (with a small “r") than men when it comes to the little things, like holding hands and remembering important dates. But men are the clear winners when it comes to Romance (with a capital “R"). They initiate serious relationships more frequently than women do; they are more idealistic about love; they’re more adversely affected by breakups, and more willing to work out problems in the relationship; and they rate their spouses/lovers higher in their social pecking order.

What does this mean for you, ladies? It means your husband is aware of what romance is – and he needs romance just as much as you do! But remember, romance for you means doing the little things. Romance for your husband is viewed on a much larger canvas. You need to work in his world, give him Romance (note that capital “R" again) in a way he’ll understand. That doesn’t always mean purely physical, so you can breathe a little easier (and please, put away the big satin ribbon and stiletto heels). Here are some ways you can show your significant other that you know how to romance him in ways he’ll understand and appreciate!

Reassure Him You’re There for the Long Haul If your husband’s being a bit of a jerk because he’s having a rough day (week, month, year), it’s a good time to let him know you’re there for him. Maybe you need to fix his favorite dinner, offer to rub his back, or run a hot tub for him (yes, guys do like baths once in awhile). He may be a bit taken aback by the attention. If he asks why you’re going to all the trouble, you can tell him the truth: “I love you no matter what, and I just wanted you to know that." You reinforce to him that you love him for who he is, not what he does. You emphasize that this area of his life is stable and secure, even if others aren’t. And you keep it simple. Guys don’t always need to know the details; the bottom line usually will suffice. For his part, it can help relieve a lot of pressure and make him a bit easier to live with.

Treat Him to Something He Really Likes You love going shopping at the mall; he’d rather spend his time at the computer warehouse or the sporting goods superstore. There’s nothing you enjoy more than lunch at your favorite tea shoppe ; his idea of a great meal is heading over to the all-you-can-eat steak buffet restaurant. Your idea of a good movie is something you can laugh and cry at; he’d rather see a shoot-‘ em -up action flick. Break down, ladies. Do something he wants to do for a change. It doesn’t have to be a daily thing, but it should be a regular occurrence. So what if you don’t really care for go- karting ? Would you have gone with him before you got married? I’ll bet you would have. Letting him call the shots when it comes to entertainment for the two of you shows him you think his likes and interests are important. And I’ll bet the next time you want to go somewhere you like, he won’t be as quick to complain…!

Offer Him Time Off He works a full-time job. He helps around the house with the cooking and cleaning and laundry and…okay, so he picks up after himself more often than not. He does have that infamous “honey-do" list to work on, though. And his evenings and weekends are booked up with all of your social activities. So how do you romance a guy who’s constantly on the go? Simple…you give him some time off. Give him the freedom to enjoy that Saturday morning round of golf with his buddies, or go see his favorite ball team play a couple of times a month during the season. Don’t be surprised if this one backfires on you, though – when he tells you to take off with your friends for the afternoon while he watches the kids – and tells you to pick up that nice new dress you’ve been eyeing for awhile.

Have That Intimate Talk – and Listen Your macho-acting, sports-loving, bear of a man husband doesn’t mind talking to you about a variety of topics. Amazingly, he really can open up to you about your relationship. You just have to let him do it on his terms. That does NOT mean sitting down next to him during the football game and asking “Honey, how do you feel about our marriage?" You’re likely to get a grunted, “ It’s fine," and then he’ll be engrossed in the game again. If you need to talk, wait until his task-oriented mind isn’t involved in a major task. Initiate the conversation if you have to, but pay attention to the verbal clues he gives you that indicate he wants to talk. And then…listen. Don’t criticize, don’t compliment, don’t even comment. Let him do the talking. You’d be surprised at just how much information he is willing to share with you when he doesn’t feel that he’s being threatened or manipulated.

Gender Translation Some of you ladies are looking at this list and thinking, “Good grief! This looks like my husband’s birthday wish list! What’s so romantic about any of this stuff? I can’t do this! It’s too hard!" The fact is your husband considers this stuff romantic. It doesn’t make any difference that you don’t, because he thinks using a different algorithm than you do. As for the difficulty issue, do you think it’s easy for guys to do the hand-holding, maintain intimate small talk, and the like? Some of them really struggle with meeting their wives’ needs! So buck up and (dare I say it?) stop thinking like a female! Your husband WILL appreciate these things!

Then there will be the few who will claim that all of these actions and attitudes seem a little, oh, I don’t know…sexist, perhaps? I have to respond by asking this: Is it sexist for a man to show his wife that he cares for her, by working his job and providing for his family, by fixing things around the house, by showing her in the little ways that he loves her? If not, then neither is it sexist for a woman to show her husband she cares for him in the ways mentioned above. It’s a matter of meeting the other person’s needs in a way he (and she!) can understand. If that’s sexist, then I guess we’d all better be guilty if we want to maintain the kind of relationship that lasts a lifetime. And is it worth it?

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Afghanistan: New law says husbands can Starve wives who refuse sex

The repressive family law that just went into effect in Afghanistan, at least, should make us pause to consider whether there is a good outcome in that nation.

The law, a tamer version of one that caused an international outcry earlier this year, allows men to withhold food from a wife who refuses to have sex. For as long as he sees fit. That's right, husbands have been given the option of starving their wives to death.

The law also leaves a woman's right to work solely in the hands of her husband. And this is the compromise law?

The fact is, it has the tacit, at least, support of Afghan President Hamid Karzai. This is the man Afghanis Congress applauded wildly five years ago. He's also the guy Afghanis are almost certain to re-elect later this week as President.

It's been said he controls Kabul, and little else. It's also been said his support for this family law is an attempt to gain some support among the conservative Shi'ite population that pushed it.

I'd say, however, that if the way forward in this central Asian country is paved with such fine legislation, than we really need to redefine what it means to be winning.

We like to mix and match Iraq and Afghanistan in our minds. But as former U.S. Ambassador Ryan Crocker noted, America is trying to rebuild Iraq. In Afghanistan, we're starting from scratch.

This is a very bad building block. The fact that it's seen as necessary for sucess there is a very bad sign for our future in that country.

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What affects women's Sex life?

It’s not just age, partner’s health and interest in sex too have significant impact on sexual activity among middle-aged and elderly women, say researchers.

Among sexually inactive women, the most common reason was lack of interest in sex with 39 percent of the respondents saying the same.

Thirty-six pct said lack of a partner, 23 pct agreed to physical problem of partner while 11 pct said lack of interest by partner.

Only nine percent were inactive from personal physical problems.

According to the researchers, sexual activity was defined as any activity that was arousing, including masturbation.

"Our findings indicate that a substantial portion of women are interested and engaged in sexual activity as they age," said lead author Alison Huang, MD, assistant professor in internal medicine at the University of California, San Francisco.

"Clinicians should consider a woman's overall health when addressing concerns about sexual inactivity.

However, treatment directed solely at improving women's sexual functioning, such as medications, may not substantially affect their activity if partner issues also are not addressed," Huang added.

The study appears in Journal of the American Geriatrics Society.

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Marry a Younger woman and live longer

Men live longer if they marry a younger woman, according to population statistics.

What's more, men who tie the knot with older women are more likely to die early, the study at Germany's Max Planck Institute found.

According to the research, blokes cut the risk of premature death by 11 per cent if their wives are seven to nine years younger, reports The Daily Express.

The figure rises to 20 per cent for men who marry women between 15 and 17 years younger.

Scientists reckon that the figures may be the result of natural selection – that only the healthiest, most successful older men are able to attract younger mates.

"Another theory is that a younger woman will care for a man better and therefore he will live longer," said institute spokesman Sven Drefahl.

However, when it comes to women, the results showed that ladies benefit from marrying a man of the same age.

Wives with husbands older or younger by between seven and nine years increase their chances of dying early by 20 per cent.

This rises to 30 per cent if the age difference is close to 15 and 17 years.

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Smell of rotten eggs turns on Men

Rotten eggs might not be welcomed in a woman's kitchen, but they can prove really useful under bed sheets, suggests a new study which found the smell of decaying eggs could make men randy.

According to research that could lead to new impotence treatments, the chemical behind the smell of rotten eggs helps men become aroused.

A gas called hydrogen sulphide – also released when eggs rot and from the exhausts of cars with catalytic converters – is given out by men just before they have sex.

Following the study, researchers believe that it could be used to create a rival to Viagra.

"We found that hydrogen sulphide is involved in human penile erection," The Telegraph quoted Professor Giuseppe Cirino of the University of Naples Federico II, as telling The Independent.

"The hydrogen sulphide pathway represents a new therapeutic target for erectile dysfunction and it should be possible in future to deliver drugs that either deliver hydrogen sulphide or that control the hydrogen sulphide production," the expert added.

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Tape trap, your Sex tips

The decision of couples to shoot their moments of intimacy can be a risky affair and hence requires major precautions.

Talk of sex videos and one is reminded of the infamous Night in Paris clip that depicted Holly A-lister Paris Hilton and her then-boyfriend Rick Salomon engaging in sexual relations. Or it is the supermodel Kate Moss and her druggie beau Pete Doherty engaged in foreplay. While Holly world is replete of such tales, back home the Ashmit Patel-Riya Sen MMS video or Shahid Kapur-Kareena Kapoor clips have created ruckus. And it isn't just the rich and famous who indulge in this risky passion but an average Joe, too, enjoys the filming process as much.

The kick factor
Making sex videos is increasingly getting popular with the new-age couples. Most of the couples — married or not, tape their most intimate moments and the reason can be attributed to the fact that it involves thrill, joy and excitement of seeing themselves indulging in sexual activities.

And it ain't wrong entirely. According to Dr Samir Parikh, psychiatrist, Max Hospital, "Sex videos can be used for improving sexual lives. Watching the video at a later part can give couples new ideas for experimenting while they have sex next time."

Be safe
But what one really needs to work on is the safety of such videos. Says Dr Amitabh Shah, consultant psychiatrist, Vimhans, "One should make sure that the tape is kept secretly where no body can assess it and if possible it should be deleted. Also couple should not boast about the fact that they have made such videos in front of friends because that can create unnecessary curiosity. Under no circumstances should one upload it on the Net or have a copy of it on the computer or cell phone."

And what if a couple decides to go separate ways? In such a situation the videos can be a cause of concern for both the partners. To this Shah offers, "Both the partners should communicate with each other and if possible destroy the videos before it becomes a bigger problem."

Here's what the celebs have to say:

Suchitra Pillai, actress

I would say it is foolish to tape your intimate moments, as you never know how anyone can misuse it. You can't trust anybody on that. And if somebody finds it that you can be in a big trouble.

Manpreet Brar, former model
Personally, I will never tape my private moments. And I think that those who do that should be very careful and cautious so that they do not end up in a problem. Especially, the younger lot as they are most prone to this and they are the one who need to be sensible.

Aryan Vaid, model-actor
As long as the video is for watching just by the two of them, it's ok. The problem arises when it is leaked as no one wants the public to see what they are up to in their private moments.

Have safe sex (video)
Here are some wacky ideas that can help you from being trapped

Wear a mask
Masks are no longer for Mardi Gras and parties. Before you appear in a sex tape, conceal your identity with a stylish mask.

Talk with an accent
Whether you choose to be a southern belle, or an English tart, faking an accent is a great way to maintain anonymity.

Create a pseudonym
No one will ever believe the person on screen is you if he/she has a different name. Think about it.

Utilise a wig
Get one of those wigs that drag queens use onstage — huge and tacky. It's likely to conceal your entire face.

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Tips For a Good Husband and Wife Relationship

Human nature tends to let down it’s guard and act it’s worst around those who we are most familiar with. How you really are is the way you act towards others that you know the best - which are typically those of your own home.

The following are tips for husbands and wives that I have been working on in my own home, and I hope you find them helpful.

1. Always say please and thank you.

2. Never demand anything one of another, but ask kindly with respect - like you would from anyone else out side the home.

3. Husbands, you don’t own your wife, so don’t act like it. Don’t be bossy and overbearing and order them around like a slave. Support them as the physically weaker vessel (1Pet 3:7) and love them and give yourself for them like Christ gave himself for the church (Eph 5:25). Wives submit to your own husband in temporal matters as it is fitting in the Lord (Col 3:18), however, in spiritual matters Christ is your head not your husband. Men are not the head of women but husbands are the head of their wives (the relationship denotes the headship is concerning temporal matters). Christ is head of the Church (the relationship denotes Christ is the head of women concerning spiritual matters) and in Christ Jesus there is neither male or female (Gal 3:28).

4. Wives don’t nag your husbands. If they have been too busy to get something done that is important to you, and you have already asked them a number of times, try asking them after you have done something nice for them. Or ask if there is anything you can do to help them get started on their project. You will find this goes over much better then telling them “I have been asking for two months now to fix the leaking tap. When are you ever going to get this done? It is so hard to get you to do anything around here!”

5. Husband, thank your wife for each meal, when laundry is done and for how well your clothes have been folded, and when the home is cleaned and what a clean house she keeps. Wives, when you husband fixes something around the home thank him, and when he brings home his check tell him what a good provider he is.

6. Each day ask the other if there is anything you can do for them.

7. You both need to be patient with eachother’s weaknesses and faults. You should not make a practice of pointing out eachothers faults over and over. Remember that love will cover a multitude of faults. Deal with the other’s faults the way you want them to deal with yours.

8. Be always seeking what you can put into the marriage - not what you can get out of it.

9. Make a practice of trying to give into eachother when there are differences. That way when you really feel strong about something, your spouse will not have such a hard time giving into you.

10. Pray daily for each other and carry a burden for eachother’s spiritual welfare.

11. Have family devotions together each morning - even if it is only 5 or 10 minutes.

12. Keep a list of the things your spouse asks you to do on the cork board. When you spouse asks you to do something make sure you put it on your list and put a date beside it so you know how long it has been there. Cross off the items on the list as you do them. It is okay to offer to do something on your list if your spouse will do something on their list.

13. Never discuss each others past faults and mistakes in front of other people. While your spouse may laugh along with you and not say anything about it later, you may have hurt them deep down.

14. Don’t allow a disagreement to escalate into an argument and certainly not in public or in front of your children.

15. If you get into a charged disagreement with your spouse that digresses to a point where you are bringing up each others faults and failures, it is best to end the conversation with prayer and set a time to discuss the issue the following day. Before you enter into discussion you should lay some guidelines for resolving conflicts. You should also pray apart to make sure you have grace and then pray together before you start the discussion and ask God to give you both grace to conduct the discussion in a godly manner.

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