Marriage can affect your waistline

They say being married is good for health, especially for men. But as far as women are concerned, it turns out that they've to pay a higher price for marriage - extra weight gain.

That's the conclusion of the Australian Longitudinal Study on Women's Health, a 10-year study from the School of Human Movement Studies at the University of Queensland. The findings appear online and in the February issue of the American Journal of Preventive Medicine.

"The weight gain appeared to start when they married, then worsened when they had their first child," said lead author Wendy J. Brown, Ph.D. "There was no effect on the rate of weight gain of having a second baby."

From 1996 to 2006, researchers periodically surveyed a randomly selected group of 6,458 Australian women ages 18 to 23 at study's start.

"Women with no partner and no baby averaged 11 pounds over 10 years. With a partner and no baby they gained about 15 pounds, and if they had a partner and a baby they gained 20 pounds," Brown said.

"The so-called energy-balance variables like eating too much and moving too little had an effect, but the estimates of weight gain are adjusted for differences in these factors," she said.

Brown said that young women ages 18 to 33 are gaining weight at a higher rate than their mother's generation.

The expert added: "If it continues, this generation will end up with more health problems later in life. It is important to understand the causes of this weight gain."

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Husband`s extra-marital affair ‘good for marriage’!

.’If your husband is enjoying a secret rendezvous with another women, don’t run after him with a knife, for the extra-marital affair is a sign that your marriage is a healthy one.

That’s the claim of France`s most prominent female psychologist Maryse Vaillant in controversial new book on the effects of infidelity on married life, Men, Love, Fidelity, reports The Telegraph.

Vaillant reckons that men who keep mistresses actually improve their marriage.

"[Most] don`t do it because they no longer love them, on the contrary," she said. "They simply need breathing space. For such men, who are in fact profoundly monogamous, infidelity is almost unavoidable".

Once women accept that the "pact of fidelity is not natural but cultural", and that infidelity is essential to the "psychic functioning" of certain men who are still very much in love, it can be a "very liberating" for women, she added.

In her book, Vaillant insists that fidelity is not, by definition proof of love.

"They are often men whose father was physically or morally absent ... during their childhood. These men have a completely idealised view of their father and the paternal function," she said. "They lack suppleness and are prisoners to an idealised image of a man of duty."

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Marriage cuts down risk of depression

.Getting married is good for the well being of both men and women, cutting down risks of depression, anxiety and substance abuse, says a new study.

The study was based on a survey of 34,493 people from 15 countries.

Conversely, ending marriage through separation, divorce or being widowed, is associated with much higher risks of mental disorders in both genders; particularly substance abuse for women and depression for men.

The wide-ranging study, led by clinical psychologist Kate Scott from the University of Otago in New Zealand is based on the WHO World Mental Health (WMH) surveys across developing and developed countries in the past decade.

"There have been a number of international studies about the impact of marriage on the mental health of men and women and this is quite a controversial area because of the gender politics involved," says Scott.

"But what makes this investigation unique and more robust is the sample is so large and across so many countries and the fact that we have data not only on depression, which has been much studied in the past, but also on anxiety and substance use disorders," she says.

"In addition we were able to look at what happens to mental health in marriage, both in comparison with never getting married, and with ending marriage."

"One of the more important findings is that in recent years it has been asserted that marriage is better for men than for women in terms of mental health. This study does not agree with that position," Scott says.

"We found that compared to never getting married, getting married is good for both men and women in terms of most mental health disorders."

This study was recently published in Psychological Medicine.

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Avoid sex counselling before marriage

A new study has revealed that men on the verge of marriage should avoid sex counselling if they want to have a "problem-free" love life.

The study looked into the sexual prowess of couples, and found that women who undergo pre-wedding counselling were more satisfied in the marital bedroom, whereas men who do not attend counselling were more satisfied in bed.

In the research, 36 couples were asked to undergo premarital sex counselling, while 35 were asked not to, and the results showed that the sessions reduced fear and reluctance in the bedroom.

"Through its ability to address and remove fear and misunderstanding and the resulting sexual reluctance and related problems, premarital sexual education and counselling can contribute to sexual satisfaction," News.com.au quoted the researchers as saying.

Almost 81 per cent of women who attended the sessions had a "problem-free sexual life", compared to their non-counselled counterparts of which 77 percent had a similar result.

But the researchers, from Pamukkale University and Ege University in Turkey, found that the sex lives of men were much better without the counselling.

Despite the difference in satisfaction between the genders, the researchers said that couples should attend the sex counselling.

"A recommendation to encourage engaged couples to attend premarital sexual counselling is made based on the findings," the research said of the findings published in the CSIRO journal Sexual Health.

"It is thought that an intervention plan ... will help nurses guide recently married couples to greater sexual satisfaction," the researchers added.

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An apple a day keeps a couple's 50-year marriage sweet

A Taiwan couple has been living happily together for half a century because the husband has been giving his wife an apple a day to keep their marriage sweet, a newspaper said Monday.

Lee Ta-pin, 77, and Sung Chin-yu, 74, revealed their secret for maintaining a happy marriage while celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary Sunday in Kaohsiung in southern Taiwan, the Merit Times reported.

A photograph printed with the story showed Lee, wearing a dark suit and tie, and Sung, wearing a wedding gown, renewing their wedding vows while each held a red apple.

Their tradition with the fruit began three months after their original wedding when Lee, as an army reservist, was called to serve in the military for 30 days.

Knowing that Sung liked to eat apples, Lee bought a basket of them for her, telling her to eat one apple a day when she missed him.

"By the time you have finished eating the 30 apples, I will come home and we will be reunited," he said.

Since then, Lee has been buying apples for Sung so that she could eat an apple each day. The only exception was when fruit shops were closed on typhoon days.

"I have enjoyed a sweet life because of the sweet apples he bought me," the Merit Times quoted her as saying.

In the 1960s and 1970s, apples were expensive because Taiwan did not grow them and had to import them from the US.

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Bad Marriage: Four options

Ours was a love marriage that had the blessings of our parents. The wedding was a grand affair. Not wanting to embarrass my well-placed in-laws, my parents went way beyond their means.

For a while, life was idyllic. Then my husband started becoming less attentive, increasingly argumentative, and began putting in longer hours at his workplace. One day, he didn’t come home. He returned after a couple of days saying he’d had to take a sudden trip out of town. When this happened a few more times, I enquired with his friends and collegues and stumbled on an extra-marital affair that had been going on for 10 years.

I dug out the lady’s address and dropped in on her. She was out but I spotted photographs of my husband and her together. She was a widow with two sons.. One was still studying while the other had just started working. My husband had been paying for their upbringing.

The beatings began
That evening I confronted Paritosh (name changed). He didn’t deny the affair. He told me he had duped me because he needed a wife who was socially acceptable. He was aware that his older, widowed lover would never be welcomed home but had hoped I’d learn to share him with her. No way, I raged, and the beatings started.

I was four months pregnant but that didn’t stop him from getting verbally and physically abusive. After a couple of months, I returned to my parents. He refused to support me.

I was wondering what to do when my younger sister came home one evening from a training programme and educated me about the Domestic Violence Act. She urged me to press for my rights. I went to the cops and filed charges. I didn’t want a divorce but I told Paritosh that if he didn’t come home, I’d make sure he paid the betrayal of trust.

Initially, he resisted. His lover, too, refused to let him go. But after several counselling sessions and talks with his parents, we reconciled. Our newborn baby helped bring us together. I took him back even though he’d cheated on me. He’s stopped visiting his lover. He’s stopped abusing me. The nightmare seems to have ended.

Social worker Kanmani’s take
I visited the couple a month ago. Sunita (name changed) seemed happy. Paritosh has promised never look at another woman. But I can’t help wondering if a leopard can change its spots completely. He did betray her trust once.

‘Speak up and fight for your rights’
Sonali Khan, director communications, has for the last five years, spearheaded Breakthrough’s mass media initiative in India. Breakthrough is a non-profit, international human rights organisation using the power of popular culture, media, and education to transform public attitudes. It will complete 10 years next year.

In 2005, Breakthrough’s first multi-media campaign addressed women’s vulnarabiltity to HIV. “What kind of man are you?” was released in seven languages. Its second campaign raised the issue of stigma and discrimination faced by HIV positive women. Both these award winning camapigns have reached out to over a 100 million people. Bell bajao! (featuring Boman Irani) is the latest initiative and addresses over 130 million, appealing against domestic violence.

Khan who was a senior correspondent with Televsion 18 and an independent producer of documentaries, points out that domestic violence transcends caste, culture and class boundaries but is often swept under the carpet. “In the last one-and-a-half years, I’ve heard so many stories about abuse even from progressive, upper-class, financially independent women who are afraid to come out for fear of social stigma. But the only way out of the nightmare is to speak up and fight for your rights,” asserts Khan.

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Men avoiding sex counselling before Marriage

A new study has revealed that men on the verge of marriage should avoid sex counselling if they want to have a "problem-free" love life.

The study looked into the sexual prowess of couples, and found that women who undergo pre-wedding counselling were more satisfied in the marital bedroom, whereas men who do not attend counselling were more satisfied in bed.

In the research, 36 couples were asked to undergo premarital sex counselling, while 35 were asked not to, and the results showed that the sessions reduced fear and reluctance in the bedroom.

"Through its ability to address and remove fear and misunderstanding and the resulting sexual reluctance and related problems, premarital sexual education and counselling can contribute to sexual satisfaction," News.com.au quoted the researchers as saying.

Almost 81 per cent of women who attended the sessions had a "problem-free sexual life", compared to their non-counselled counterparts of which 77 percent had a similar result.

But the researchers, from Pamukkale University and Ege University in Turkey, found that the sex lives of men were much better without the counselling.

Despite the difference in satisfaction between the genders, the researchers said that couples should attend the sex counselling.

"A recommendation to encourage engaged couples to attend premarital sexual counselling is made based on the findings," the research said of the findings published in the CSIRO journal Sexual Health.

"It is thought that an intervention plan ... will help nurses guide recently married couples to greater sexual satisfaction," the researchers added.

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Love not enough for Marriage!

Love has no major role to play in keeping couples together. In fact, the chances of a couple staying together are affected by age, previous relationships – and smoking.

That’s the conclusion of a new study, which was conducted by researchers at the Australian National University.

To reach the conclusion, boffins spent six years monitoring 2,500 couples who were married or living together, reports The Daily Express.

The study found that money played a major factor in deciding whether a couple stand the test of time. The study, entitled What's Love Got to Do With It, showed that a quarter of partnerships and marriages will end within six years and half will be over within 25 years.

It also found that a husband who is nine or more years older than his wife is twice as likely to get divorced, as are husbands who get married before they turn 25.

Couples were twice as likely to split if the wife had a much stronger preference for children or for more of them. Smoking and drinking rates also contributed to relationship breakdown, the study found.

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In love? It's not enough to keep a Marriage, study finds

Living happily ever after needn't only be for fairy tales. Australian researchers have identified what it takes to keep a couple together, and it's a lot more than just being in love.

A couple's age, previous relationships and even whether they smoke or not are factors that influence whether their marriage is going to last, according to a study by researchers from the Australian National University.

The study, entitled "What's Love Got to Do With It," tracked nearly 2,500 couples -- married or living together -- from 2001 to 2007 to identify factors associated with those who remained together compared with those who divorced or separated.

It found that a husband who is nine or more years older than his wife is twice as likely to get divorced, as are husbands who get married before they turn 25.

Children also influence the longevity of a marriage or relationship, with one-fifth of couples who have kids before marriage -- either from a previous relationship or in the same relationship -- having separated compared to just nine percent of couples without children born before marriage.

Women who want children much more than their partners are also more likely to get a divorce.

A couple's parents also have a role to play in their own relationship, with the study showing some 16 percent of men and women whose parents ever separated or divorced experienced marital separation themselves compared to 10 percent for those whose parents did not separate.

Also, partners who are on their second or third marriage are 90 percent more likely to separate than spouses who are both in their first marriage.

Not surprisingly, money also plays a role, with up to 16 percent of respondents who indicated they were poor or where the husband -- not the wife -- was unemployed saying they had separated, compared with only nine percent of couples with healthy finances.

And couples where one partner, and not the other, smokes are also more likely to have a relationship that ends in failure.

Factors found to not significantly affect separation risk included the number and age of children born to a married couple, the wife's employment status and the number of years the couple had been employed.

The study was jointly written by Dr Rebecca Kippen and Professor Bruce Chapman from The Australian National University, and Dr Peng Yu from the Department of Families, Housing, Community Services and Indigenous Affairs.

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Marriage can Make You 'fat'

People who marry are up to three times more likely to become obese than those who just keep dating, according to a new study.

According to the study, soon after a groom carries his bride over the threshold both end up carrying extra weight, reports the Daily Express.

Moving in with a romantic partner also increased the odds of obesity, but there were interesting nuances by sex: for women, the risk increased after just one year of living together, while for men the risk kicked in between the first and second year.

Couples blamed a lack of exercise, watching too much television and an over-use of computers.

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Benefits of Saving Sex Until Marriage

Everyone has their own reason for waiting. Here are some of the most prominent benefits. Basically, you do it for yourself and for your own reasons. If you don't know why you're abstaining you need to rethink things and make sure you're doing it for yourself and not just because it was something you were brought up with.

•"Instant Intimate Recall:" This refers to the mind's natural tendency to recall information from the past when triggered by a reference or memory in the present. Basically, you can be making out with Steve and call out Mike's name. When you have sex with someone you see them in their most basic element and they see you in yours. There is nothing keeping you from inadvertently flashing back to memories of being with these people - even at the most inopportune times (eg: at dinner with family, cuddling with a new boyfriend/girlfriend).

•Attachment: There is an emotional attachment created with each person you have sex with, something intended to create a serious bond (that is why it is what "consummates" or makes real, a marriage). The more people you have sex with and in turn create an emotional bond with, the easier it gets to break this bond. The person that has sex with 15 people probably isn't as likely to create the same bond with each of them that the person who has sex with only one other person can, you get it?

Our 11th grade religion teacher gave this visual example. She brought 8 people up to the front of the class and gave each of them a piece of clear packaging tape. The people on the ends turned to one another and put their piece of tape on the arm of the person next to them, and then removed the tape. As expected, the tape was very difficult to come off and caused a significant amount of pain - it also took with it some hair and skin follicles. These people then turned to the person to their other side and put the tape on their arm. This time, while it still caused some pain and gave some resistance to coming off, it was easier to remove and took less with it. They then turned to the person next to them and continued down the row, each time finding that their tape stuck less and less and that it caused less pain and took less with it. Eventually by the time they had stuck their tape on everyone in the row's arm, the tape would barely stick at all and caused no pain.

The idea is that this is what happens during sex - the more people you have sex with, the weaker the bond tends to become. It's not a matter of loving one person less than another, but you are less likely to create as strong an attachment if you are more familiar with the act. Also, it can be very difficult to get over a relationship in which you and the other person had sex. This doesn't mean IN ANY WAY that sex is bad or evil, this is just what happens and we don't feel like dealing with it.

•You're going to have it anyway: Just because you're saving sex for marriage doesn't mean you are never going to have it, it just means you aren't going to be having it now. It's like waiting until after dinner to have your desert or something (haha, stupid analogy but think about it). It's going to be sex either way, before or after marriage, so what's the hurt in waiting and having it be even more special?

•Self respect: While this may seem very cliche, it is a completely valid reason to wait until marriage. Why should just anyone be able to have sex with you? It's a selfish way to look at it but it's true - does every person you go out with deserve you? We're not implying that you would have sex with every person you date, but how do you know when one relationship will end and one will be forever? The whole thing is that sex isn't wrong - it really makes us angry when people are like "sex isn't bad, you know." Yes, we do know. We think it's so not wrong that is just deserves a lot more respect, that's all. It's supposed to be a wonderful, incredible thing between two people who love each other. But saving it for someone special is valuing what you are giving the other person, and in turn, yourself.

•STDs (Sexually Transmitted Diseases): This is a big one, please check out our STD site for a thorough explanation.

•Potential regrets are just not worth it: Think of something you have done in the past and regretted doing later (like tell a lie or fight with a friend or whatever) and how horrible that felt. When you have made a mistake or done something you were not proud of, even ashamed of, the repercussions can be terrible. Hitting yourself over the head for doing something, thinking what would have happened if you had done something just a little bit differently, said something differently, all of those feelings can only be multiplied when put in context with sex. What if you break up with him/her afterwards and you realize that they used you or that they are with someone else or that it made the break up even harder? No matter how fond or sudden the breakup is there is always room for regret and uncertainty. Why risk all that guilt when it can just as easily be avoided? Especially because it's so easy to get caught up in the moment and not be able to think of reasons not to do it. :-P Just be smart!

•It takes the pressure off: It's one less thing to think about in a relationship. Is she/he with me because I'm putting out? Is she/he using me for my body? Would she/he still be with me if we weren't having sex? It forces the relationship to be about the two people involved and their individual personalities. While you may not think it's true, NOT having sex puts an entirely different spin on the relationship because a couple needs to find different ways to connect with one another.

•Makes it easier to find someone right for you: Waiting to have sex until you're ready helps in the "selection process." Because sex tends to be such a big part of relationships in today's society, right off the bat the person you are with needs to be aware of your views and feelings. This automatically creates a bond between you and your girl/boy friend because they need to understand, or at least be aware of, your opinion on sex.

•Aren't you worth wating for?: If you are not sure about having sex, don't let your self be pressured into it. If the person you are with loves you that much then they honestly will respect your decision, and if they don't, it's only easier for you because you know they aren't the right person for you.

•No worry about getting pregnant: For females not only do you not have to worry about getting pregnant - will you keep the baby or give it up for adoption? Will you have to drop out of school? Will the father stay around and support you? Can you afford it? - but you also do not have to worry about contraceptives and the side effects. Males don't have to worry about supporting a child either, or having to get another job or drop out of school to work to get extra income. There isn't the threat of having to turn from a teenager to an adult over night and to have to go from being with your friends and hanging out to being with a baby and changing diapers.

•Respect for your future spouse: Along with a respect for yourself there is also a respect for your future spouse. Having sex is putting yourself in the most intimate position possible with another human being. For some people, even the thought of their boyfriend/girlfriend having gone out with someone else is a hard thought, but knowing that they have shared this incredible experience with another person, having seen someone else in as intimate a situation as sex, can be so devastating. Knowing that someone else was there before you, or that you were in that position with someone else before your spouse, takes away from the "gift" you are giving them when you get married. Saving sex tells them that you had the will power and the desire to wait for them, that they were that important you saved yourself for them - you "loved them before you even knew them." So that's cool, too.

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