Everyone has their own reason for waiting. Here are some of the most prominent benefits. Basically, you do it for yourself and for your own reasons. If you don't know why you're abstaining you need to rethink things and make sure you're doing it for yourself and not just because it was something you were brought up with.
•"Instant Intimate Recall:" This refers to the mind's natural tendency to recall information from the past when triggered by a reference or memory in the present. Basically, you can be making out with Steve and call out Mike's name. When you have sex with someone you see them in their most basic element and they see you in yours. There is nothing keeping you from inadvertently flashing back to memories of being with these people - even at the most inopportune times (eg: at dinner with family, cuddling with a new boyfriend/girlfriend).
•Attachment: There is an emotional attachment created with each person you have sex with, something intended to create a serious bond (that is why it is what "consummates" or makes real, a marriage). The more people you have sex with and in turn create an emotional bond with, the easier it gets to break this bond. The person that has sex with 15 people probably isn't as likely to create the same bond with each of them that the person who has sex with only one other person can, you get it?
Our 11th grade religion teacher gave this visual example. She brought 8 people up to the front of the class and gave each of them a piece of clear packaging tape. The people on the ends turned to one another and put their piece of tape on the arm of the person next to them, and then removed the tape. As expected, the tape was very difficult to come off and caused a significant amount of pain - it also took with it some hair and skin follicles. These people then turned to the person to their other side and put the tape on their arm. This time, while it still caused some pain and gave some resistance to coming off, it was easier to remove and took less with it. They then turned to the person next to them and continued down the row, each time finding that their tape stuck less and less and that it caused less pain and took less with it. Eventually by the time they had stuck their tape on everyone in the row's arm, the tape would barely stick at all and caused no pain.
The idea is that this is what happens during sex - the more people you have sex with, the weaker the bond tends to become. It's not a matter of loving one person less than another, but you are less likely to create as strong an attachment if you are more familiar with the act. Also, it can be very difficult to get over a relationship in which you and the other person had sex. This doesn't mean IN ANY WAY that sex is bad or evil, this is just what happens and we don't feel like dealing with it.
•You're going to have it anyway: Just because you're saving sex for marriage doesn't mean you are never going to have it, it just means you aren't going to be having it now. It's like waiting until after dinner to have your desert or something (haha, stupid analogy but think about it). It's going to be sex either way, before or after marriage, so what's the hurt in waiting and having it be even more special?
•Self respect: While this may seem very cliche, it is a completely valid reason to wait until marriage. Why should just anyone be able to have sex with you? It's a selfish way to look at it but it's true - does every person you go out with deserve you? We're not implying that you would have sex with every person you date, but how do you know when one relationship will end and one will be forever? The whole thing is that sex isn't wrong - it really makes us angry when people are like "sex isn't bad, you know." Yes, we do know. We think it's so not wrong that is just deserves a lot more respect, that's all. It's supposed to be a wonderful, incredible thing between two people who love each other. But saving it for someone special is valuing what you are giving the other person, and in turn, yourself.
•STDs (Sexually Transmitted Diseases): This is a big one, please check out our STD site for a thorough explanation.
•Potential regrets are just not worth it: Think of something you have done in the past and regretted doing later (like tell a lie or fight with a friend or whatever) and how horrible that felt. When you have made a mistake or done something you were not proud of, even ashamed of, the repercussions can be terrible. Hitting yourself over the head for doing something, thinking what would have happened if you had done something just a little bit differently, said something differently, all of those feelings can only be multiplied when put in context with sex. What if you break up with him/her afterwards and you realize that they used you or that they are with someone else or that it made the break up even harder? No matter how fond or sudden the breakup is there is always room for regret and uncertainty. Why risk all that guilt when it can just as easily be avoided? Especially because it's so easy to get caught up in the moment and not be able to think of reasons not to do it. :-P Just be smart!
•It takes the pressure off: It's one less thing to think about in a relationship. Is she/he with me because I'm putting out? Is she/he using me for my body? Would she/he still be with me if we weren't having sex? It forces the relationship to be about the two people involved and their individual personalities. While you may not think it's true, NOT having sex puts an entirely different spin on the relationship because a couple needs to find different ways to connect with one another.
•Makes it easier to find someone right for you: Waiting to have sex until you're ready helps in the "selection process." Because sex tends to be such a big part of relationships in today's society, right off the bat the person you are with needs to be aware of your views and feelings. This automatically creates a bond between you and your girl/boy friend because they need to understand, or at least be aware of, your opinion on sex.
•Aren't you worth wating for?: If you are not sure about having sex, don't let your self be pressured into it. If the person you are with loves you that much then they honestly will respect your decision, and if they don't, it's only easier for you because you know they aren't the right person for you.
•No worry about getting pregnant: For females not only do you not have to worry about getting pregnant - will you keep the baby or give it up for adoption? Will you have to drop out of school? Will the father stay around and support you? Can you afford it? - but you also do not have to worry about contraceptives and the side effects. Males don't have to worry about supporting a child either, or having to get another job or drop out of school to work to get extra income. There isn't the threat of having to turn from a teenager to an adult over night and to have to go from being with your friends and hanging out to being with a baby and changing diapers.
•Respect for your future spouse: Along with a respect for yourself there is also a respect for your future spouse. Having sex is putting yourself in the most intimate position possible with another human being. For some people, even the thought of their boyfriend/girlfriend having gone out with someone else is a hard thought, but knowing that they have shared this incredible experience with another person, having seen someone else in as intimate a situation as sex, can be so devastating. Knowing that someone else was there before you, or that you were in that position with someone else before your spouse, takes away from the "gift" you are giving them when you get married. Saving sex tells them that you had the will power and the desire to wait for them, that they were that important you saved yourself for them - you "loved them before you even knew them." So that's cool, too.
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